This Sunday we celebrated Father’s Day. Stopping for this holiday in the middle of such tumultuous times means that unfortunately we spend very little time pausing and thinking about Fatherhood. But we should.
I think first of my own father. As every year passes, I think more highly of my dad. He’s a quiet, unassuming man, faithful to his family and to his work. He retired after decades as a plumber.
When you are growing up and experiencing a good father, you don’t stop to recognize that you are experiencing a good father. You just assume this is the norm and that this is what every young boy has in his life. But now that I’m older and a father myself, I am just so grateful that dad modeled manhood for me, took me to work with him in that run-down construction van, and picked me up every day from basketball practice, exhausted after a long day at work. I’m thankful for the long talks in the van, hashing out politics and Bible and sports and ordinary life. Those talks just seemed routine, but what a treasure to spend so much time with my dad.
Dad gave him his time and his faithfulness. He also inspired me in subtle ways. He insisted I would grow up one day and be a writer and kept saying it. Dad came from poverty and a broken home and wanted us to have something better than he experienced. And so he just worked and worked to make it happen. I didn’t see that when I was a teenager shuffling to my room or when I wished the rules weren’t so strict. Those rules, I’ve come to see by now, were such a gift.
Now I’m a dad and I see how hard this fatherhood thing is. Most dads, if you asked them, feel inadequate. We just do. We care. We want to lead our families and raise our children well, but we know we fail a lot. Lots of fatherhood stuff tells men to step up—and men need to step up—but we need more men telling other men that they can do it, that God can give them the strength to be the men their young boys need to see.
Father’s Day can be hard for a lot of people. Many had a painful relationship with their fathers. Some don’t know their fathers. I cannot relate to that except to say that even in the longing for a good father is a sign that we know what we are missing when we don’t get it. I have never forgotten Donald Miller’s book, Father Fiction, where he talks about growing up without a father. He felt like every other boy was part of a club where they got all the instructions for how to live and he was left out and had to catch up. It’s heartbreaking. But Miller found peace by understanding that God, our Heavenly Father, was fathering him even as his earthly father abandoned him. This is such an important truth. Even the best dads leave wide gaps between who they are and who they should be. Our longing for fatherhood, that ache and pain many feel, is a signpost to the Heavenly Father.
I feel this so much now when I look down at my kids. There is a constant feeling of guilt that I am the only dad they will ever experience. It’s not like they get to choose. I’m it! So I need to get this thing right but also trust that God will parent in my gaps and that the Father loves my kids even more than I do. It’s a privilege to be a dad.
One more thing: I think understanding fatherhood is an essential part of leadership. Father wounds can foster insecurity and a constant seeking of approval. I have seen this over and over again in ministry and in leadership. I now think that insecurity is the biggest liability in leadership. I’ve seen leaders of major institutions crippled by insecurities that forced them to lead in unhealthy ways. I’ve also seen leaders work through deep father wounds through the help of loving mentors and biblical community and sometimes therapy and find ways to live and lead well.
All of this is to say that fathers play a vital role. We were born with a yearning for Father love. Dads like us have a chance to point our daughters and sons toward God’s love. And we can find our own longings met ultimately in God who, through Christ, has reconciled to us.
Interesting Links
There has been quite a bit of conversation about the changing atmosphere at many of our media institutions in an age of cancel culture. Matt Tabbibi and Andrew Sullivan have both written tough pieces diagnosing this. What distinguishes them both is that they are coming from an ideologically liberal point of view. Typically these critiques come from the right.
This week, the Supreme Court made a ruling in the Bostock v. Clayton County case. Russell Moore has some important thoughts on why this concerns many Christians.
New York has seen a really high number of nursing home deaths due to COVID19. This ProPublica piece is a tough look at the mistakes that lead to this.
Trevin Wax has a good word on multi-directional leadership and racial justice.
Senator Marco Rubio made an excellent floor speech about the continual need to address racial injustice.
What I’m Reading
Reading has been slowed dramatically in this season as I’m working to finish a manuscript and my night hours are taken up with writing. But… I’m still reading. On the audiobook, the excellent The Hardest Job in the World by John Dickerson and I’m about to read Suffering is Not for Nothing by Elizabeth Elliot.
Personal Projects
Well, the pre-order season for A Way With Words with B&H Publishing launched this week. Pre-orders are important for authors because they really set the tone for the way bookstores stock the book. So if you like my work, would you consider pre-ordering? If you do, you can come back to the book site and redeem some cool bonuses, including a Social Media Survival Guide and a special Zoom webinar with yours truly.
I’m also nearly finished—I’ve got two chapters left to write—with a manuscript for The Characters of Easter which will be out next Easter from Moody Publishers. I’m also guest-hosting Carmen Laberge’s radio show on Faith Radio this Thursday and Friday from 6-8 am CT.
Featured Resource
Social media was made to bring us together. But few things have driven us further apart. Sadly, many Christians are fueling online incivility. Others, exhausted by perpetual outrage and shame-filled from constant comparison, are leaving social media altogether. So, how should Christians behave in this digital age? Is there a better way?
I believe we need an approach that applies biblical wisdom to our engagement with social media, an approach that neither retreats from modern technology nor ignores the harmful ways in which Christians often engage publicly. In short, I believe that we can and should use our online conversations for good.
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