Tua and Leadership That Empowers
You can build people up or tear them down
We are approaching the start of the NFL season. Can you feel it? I cannot wait. My Chicago Bears are full of hope with new QB Caleb Williams, a stellar receiving corps, and a talented defense. I love this time of year.
A week or so ago, the starting quarterback for the Miami Dolphins, Tua Tagovailoa shared some candid thoughts, contrasting his former coach, Brian Flores and his current coach, Mike McDaniel.
"To put it in simplest terms," Tagovailoa said, "if you woke up every morning and I told you, ‘You suck at what you did, that you don’t belong doing what you do, that you shouldn’t be here, that this guy should be here, that you haven’t earned this.'
"And then you have somebody else come in and tell you, ‘Dude, you are the best fit for this, like you are accurate, you are the best whatever. You are this, you are that.’ Like how would it make you feel listening to one or the other?"
This, of course, was a hot topic of conversation in sports media. The podcasts and NFL shows I regularly consume all debated Tua’s comments. Some former players took Tua’s side and some took the side of Brian Flores, who, to his credit, responded with kind words about Tua and was humble about his growth as a leader.
One of the misunderstandings about this conversation is a sentiment, often repeated among older players and coaches, that perhaps “young players today can’t handle tough coaching.” The idea is that players today are soft, pampered, and way too sensitive.
There is some truth to this thesis. We do live in a very therapeutic age where very real terms such as trauma and abuse have become so elastic as to cover any negative interaction or rebuke. I grew up playing basketball with tough coaches who pushed us to get more out of ourselves than we thought possible. I had a dad who made me work hard. I’ve had bosses who were, at times, demanding. This is good for young men.
I don’t think Tua was resisting this. If you listen carefully to what he’s saying, there is something to learn about leadership. Brian Flores’ approach, according to Tua, involved constantly denigrating the quarterback personally, attacking his confidence. Texts before every game with cryptic words like, “Don’t mess this up!” This is also consistent with reporting by The Athletic, which covered Flores’ rise and fall in Miami.
Mike McDaniel’s approach, however, is much different. From the beginning, he gave Tua confidence that he could become a successful quarterback in his system and that the young signal-caller had what it took to thrive. I don’t think McDaniel is any less demanding than Flores. There is a standard that his QB has to meet to win in the NFL. Yet rather than denigrating him every day, he encourages him.
Successful leadership is a balance of both accountability and encouragement. A coach, a CEO, or a father can err on the side of being too easy on the people he or she leads, never confronting or challenging. But we can also err on the other side, denigrating, tearing down, and withholding any encouragement.
There is a difference between pulling the best out of someone by challenging them and tearing down someone’s character and making them feel small. I’ve had bosses who made me feel six inches tall by screaming and insulting me in ways that didn’t motivate me to work hard and improve but instead caused me to operate in a zone of fear and excess caution. I’ve had supervisors and mentors who confronted me about serious areas of improvement but made me feel like I could do what they were asking me to do. My late pastoral mentor shaped me perhaps more than anyone in ministry. He was unafraid to bring up areas of criticism in my early pastoral days. But I always received them as gifts because I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he was for me. He wanted me to win, to lead well, to grow. Do those you lead sense this in your leadership?
As a father, I see this acutely. If I tell my son or one of my daughters that they are failures and no good and never do anything right, it only crushes their spirit. If I tell them, at times, “What you did was unacceptable. I’m disappointed in you. You need to make some changes. But I know you can do this with the Lord’s help.” - Well, that produces a different result.
Sometimes leaders have it in their minds that if they ever encourage or compliment those they lead, that somehow that will hurt, will show weakness, will lead to lackluster results. But the opposite is true. In the short-term, perhaps, telling someone they are worthless might produce some immediate, fear-based responses. But over a lifetime, you’ll not build them into the people they were meant to be. You’ll produce lemmings that walk on eggshells around you.
So I don’t think Tua is soft. He wasn’t asking for less accountability and less criticism. He was only seeking something innately human: a coach who actually believes in him.
My book, Agents of Grace is available from Zondervan
My daughter is raising money for a special music trip. I told her I’d post her fundraising page.
Don’t miss my podcast conversation with David Dockery, President of Southwestern Seminary and a leader in Christian higher education.