You Will Always Have Critics. But Will Critics Have You?
If you are a public figure in any capacity, however big or small, you will face opposition. But you don't have to let them live in your head.
I’ve been in public leadership, in some form or fashion, for about a decade and a half. I’ve been writing for about that long, pastoring, served in prominent denominational and parachurch roles. I write books and columns and do podcasts and newsletters. I’m not a big deal, I’m not even a medium deal and most people not related to me couldn’t pick me out of a lineup, but my name has been in public with ideas behind it. This means that sometimes people disagree with those ideas publicly, with varying levels of vehemence.
How should someone with a platform (a word I mostly despise) handle criticism? A few thoughts:
Learn Whatever You Can From Your Critics
A lot of criticism is in bad faith. It just is. There are people whose life goal is to sit and wait for the next thing to pounce on, the next digital scapegoat. But not all criticism is like this. So if you can, try to learn from your critics.
I’m often puzzled by leaders who put forward a provocative thesis—in an essay, an article, a book—and then are undone by folks who engage with it constructively and disagree. They write off any pushback as bad faith.
One of my books, The Original Jesus was reviewed once by Christianity Today. They asked Methodist pastor and scholar Will Willimon to review it. It was a fair review but he had some criticisms of the book. Some I agreed with and some I didn’t agree with. But I was overjoyed to see my work featured in a two-page spread in CT and reviewed by a leading thinker whose work I have enjoyed.
If you are secure in yourself and in your work, you’ll not be bothered by robust engagement with your work. If you expect only unadulterated fandom and attribute every criticism to malice, then I find it hard to take your work seriously. There is only one set of texts that is inerrant, infallible and inspired by God. And it’s not yours and it’s not mine.
Respond To Only Folks Who Operate in Good Faith
There are, however, bad faith trolls. There are folks who live to degrade and destroy people. Sadly, too many of them claim Christianity. My advice is that someone who responds negatively to your work and is in obvious bad faith is not worth your response. It’s hard sometimes to tell the difference between a bad-faith critic and a good-faith critic, but one easy tell is this: ask yourself where you see the discussion with this person going. Can you have a rational conversation, even if you disagree, that ends up with mutual respect? Or is this person merely there to embarrass you and prove to his/her tribe how right they are?
Another tell is this: is this person part of a ministry/organization whose sole mission is tabloid-style, gotcha journalism? If so, don’t encourage this. Don’t engage in this. Paul urged the Romans to “mark those who cause division” and avoid them (Romans 16:17). Even the Apostle Paul, who endured brutal hardships for his faith and was executed for being a Christian, had folks who took advantage of his distress for their own satisfaction (Phillippians 1:16).
One more tell: are your critics known for endeavoring to get the whole truth (Phillippians 4:8, Ecclesiastes 12:13) and giving the benefit of the doubt (1 Corinthians 13:7), or are they only interested in more content for their enterprise? I’m not sure who said it but it’s a good saying nonetheless: “Never get in the mud with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”
Don’t engage bad faith actors. Don’t do it.
Refuse To Let The Trolls Live in Your Head
This is perhaps the most important, yet hardest, response to criticism. You can’t let the critics live in your head. As I wrote earlier, you should learn from good-faith critics. You shouldn’t engage bad-faith critics. But you also need to not let your critics live in your head.
It’s really hard to wake up every day and scroll your timeline and check your mentions and see a lot of people, many of them your brothers and sisters in Christ, forwarding, posting, and believing things about you that are not true. The more public you are, the more of a platform you have, and the more this will be your reality.
How do you deal with this? Some folks just get off social media platforms entirely for this reason or at least get off places like Twitter, where it’s extremely toxic at times. I think this is wise if being on that platform makes you insecure and constantly thinking in terms of your worst critics. Others limit what they can see of their mentions. Others (like me) mute really bad-faith actors.
But even if you are off a medium entirely, you’ll have friends and acquaintances send you the most offensive things and you’ll be aware of them. So still, you’ll know about your critics. You will have critics, but what you cannot do is let your critics have you. You don’t have to let them guide your policy, be the topic of every conversation you have, and make you live a kind of paranoid life.
This is not easy, but it’s possible with three suggestions. First, practice daily forgiveness. When Jesus told Peter to forgive 70 x 7, he wasn’t giving him formula, but a habit. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve the offender, but it refuses to let the offender live rent-free in your head and your heart. Second, surround yourself with a good community. The bad faith actors are few, but they are loud. And it can seem like a crowd, but really it’s only a chorus in your own head. Remember, most people in your church and in your community aren’t engaged in the insider-baseball controversies online. A rich offline community frees you from bondage to an unfair online community. Are your relationships with your spouse, your church, or your employer good? Good. Do you know God and are you known by God? Rest in that. Third, be busy building something. Nehemiah didn’t have time for Sanballat and Tobias because he was too busy building the wall. If you give your critics your calendar, you’ll never be about doing the work God has called you and equipped you to do.
I hope that helps. I’ve not always done this well. It’s a process I’m still trying to apply to my own life. Maybe someone reading this will be encouraged.